My Cover Letter for Job with “Prove Bigfoot is Real” Listed as Skill Requirement
That cheeky requirement was tucked into the final bullet of a job description. So of course I applied. And in five minutes, I wrote the following optional, humorous cover letter. (The cover letter was optional.)
~~~ Related Read: Algorithmically Yours: A Totally Algorithmic Cover Letter I Just Wrote
Dear Bigfoot Aficionado (+ Fellow Geek):
Say hello to a real live person. My name’s Stacy and I’m writing to apply for the open freelance writer position for XXXX. As outlined in your job requirements, I can:
- Write timely and evergreen on a variety of personal finance topics. I wrote content for several years at XXXX.
- Pitch articles based on relevant news and whatever will grab readers’ attention and serve their best interests. A pet project story I pitched at work, and completed over several weeks, became XXXX’s number one generator for inbound B2B leads. I had a killer idea based on trending keywords. Sold it (free labor is surprisingly hard to sell). And it murdered.
- Accept writing assignments and deliver them by deadline. I’ve accepted lots of not-so-glam writing assignments that performed freaky well for SEO. And a few polished ones. I like polish.
- Update existing articles as needed. I’m an old hand at this. I regularly monitor articles’ SEO and revenue performance and make updates and optimizations.
- Use and continually learn about new SEO practices. I’m well-versed in a wide range of tools and practices: Google Search Console, Google Analytics, Semrush, Ahrefs, Moz, Surfer SEO, Chat AI programs (to frame the foundation), backlink building (including launching email campaigns to prospect), and continual keyword research.
- Adapt to ever-evolving needs, processes, and formats. In my tenure at XXXX I’ve had 4 supervisors, 3 different company owners, used 3 different reporting systems, multiple CMS platforms, and created every kind of written content imaginable. (Through it all, I never lost a password. Just my swipe badge.) Most of the content was quick, pithy listicles (that were magnets for revenue and acquisition). I’ve done some high-brow content for financially literate readers — like Bigfoot — and I want to do more of it.
-Attend monthly meetings with the best of ’em. Daily stand-ups too. (Tip: If you don’t speak all meeting long — because you’re not supposed to — but then unmute at the very end to say “Thanks!” people will think you’ve contributed.)
-Prove that Bigfoot is real. That is the best job requirement I’ve read. Ever. I could write you a longer article laying it all out, but in a nutshell your premise is wrong. Prove to me that Bigfoot is not real. I’ve seen the video footage; Super Bowl commercials don’t lie.
So let’s meet up and eat some Jack Link’s.
Til then,
Stacy
Did I blow it?
I think I was funny and engaging and personable, but my sense of humor could be glitchy due to sleep deprivation and two permanent STD’s: my kids.
In the past three days, I’ve slept ten hours.
Earlier today, I ate two donuts, a cupcake, and half a cinnamon roll for breakfast at an early morning children’s birthday party.
And over the past week, my children decided to see how many Cheerios they could shove up their nose before my youngest ran streaking through the living room, stopping only to pee on the treadmill.
Now that it’s nearly 9 o’clock and everyone’s in bed, I’m second-guessing that cover letter.
What do you think of the cover letter? If you believed in Bigfoot, would you hire me? Or at the very least, come kick it with me and eat Jack Link’s?