How to Close a Cover Letter: “Confident in my ability to outshine mediocre people everywhere who have jobs they are not even remotely qualified for, I humbly submit my cover letter”

Stacy Garrels.
4 min readFeb 28



I applied for a job I’m under-qualified for, but people do that every day in America and I am nothing if not patriotic. Also I really want to work for the company in some other capacity (non-advertised job), and maybe this cover letter will be an effective digital whack in the head.

Hey {{hiring_manager: “Awesome Person Giving People Money for Knowing About SEO Things”}}

LinkedIn Premium told me to apply for the position of Senior Blog Manager at XXXXXXX. I’m in the top 10% of all candidates who have applied for this role so if I don’t get an interview for this role I will know that LinkedIn is lying to me and cancel my subscription. (And ask to talk to the manager.)

In examining the “Tasks in the role,” “Who we are looking for,” and other sections of your job post, I can check off {{minimum_needed: “90%”}} of them.

I’ll walk you through it.

Review content to ensure it is factually accurate, well-structured, engaging, and actionable. Yes, I have done this for a number of the blog articles of a number of XXXXXXX, XXXXX, and other consumer-facing brands.

Proofread and edit content produced by your teammates and external writers. Yes. I place the final SEO touches on the content, including inserting H2 headers, restructuring the data, or rewriting the entire piece if needed (particularly if a non-writer has been volun-told for the assignment).

Apply Associated Press (AP) and in-house style to all content. I can apply AP formatting and other in-house style to all content.

Serve as a gatekeeper of content quality, ensuring that nothing reaches the live blog without living up to our new, high standards. Um, hell yes. I would love to be the digital bouncer of subpar content. (I’m also well-versed in the gentle art of pragmatism: just publish all of it as quickly as you can because it’s a numbers game, and make sure to be as stylistically inconsistent as possible to hit on every keyword variation.)

Deliver detailed, actionable feedback to writers for every piece you edit. Try and stop me.

Refine our definition of content quality and apply new quality and style directives as needed. Is that a promise?

Stay up-to-date with trends and developments in SEO, web content, and digital marketing in general. Woah. I stay up-to-date by reading your blog. So if I become your blog, I can tell the Algorithms of Google what to do?

Report editing trends, challenges, and opportunities to the Managing Editor on a regular basis. Define “regular.”

Strong substantive and line editing skills (4+ years of experience). Probably.

Hands-on experience in SEO and content marketing. Yes. See LinkedIn’s 90% classification of my profile.

In-depth knowledge of SEO and other digital marketing topics. Of course. I already said I read your blog.

Proven experience delivering detailed and actionable feedback in order to improve writers’ work. Yes. I have even written and presented training guides on how to structure and optimize content for SEO.

Strong project management and organization skills. Contextually, yes.

Ability to work in a fast-paced, demanding environment, with multiple and sometimes shifting priorities. Does anyone ever say no to this?

Ability to work independently and as part of a team. That’s the very definition of my experience as a remote team member.

A passion for and a strong understanding of the industry. Relative to Larry Page and Sergey Brin, no.

Native-level English. Ja wolt.

Editorial experience in one or more internet marketing topics: SEO, paid search, social media marketing, content marketing. See closing comments.

Experience using XXXXXXX tools. Yes. Until my employer switched to Ahrefs despite my sober recommendation against. (Just kidding. It was an M&A thing.)

Experience using project management tools like Yes, I’ve used Trello and Basecamp.

TBH, I almost didn’t apply for this job because I have more experience writing (my digital entrails are everywhere) than editing or managing people. But I am well-versed in the SEO writing world and would like a chance to use my powers for good.

LinkedIn says I’m in the top 10% of all job applicants (objective measure).

My superstar-writer-neighbor-friend Lee told me to apply (highly objective measure as this is a clear sign from the gods of digital writing). Lee said I have “ability to write content” and, to paraphrase her, just go for it. “Do you know how many men take jobs they are not even remotely qualified for?” (That’s a direct quote.)

Confident in my ability to outshine mediocre people everywhere who have jobs they are not even remotely qualified for, I humbly submit my cover letter and resume for the position of Senior Blog Editor.



612-XXX-XXXX (Let’s talk over text. But my phone does have a call app, too.)

~~~ Hey you! Read My Cover Letter for Job with “Prove Bigfoot is Real” Listed as Skill Requirement ~~~



Stacy Garrels.

“Confident in my ability to outshine mediocre people everywhere who have jobs they are not even qualified for.” Humor. Sarcasm. Ballsy copy. Meandering essays.